I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
