imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
