Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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