They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
