I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
