So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I looked at my own cervix.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
