why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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