Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
