ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
