Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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