new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
