She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
