you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
