Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
