3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
