The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
did you just send me my own nude
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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