My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As shirtless as possible
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
