I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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