Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
