She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
