we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
