good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
