I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
