Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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