Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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