she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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