Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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