Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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