Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
