Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
