I could make wine with my vomit
i will never coherently bang her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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