if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize