The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
