I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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