The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
