: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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