I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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