Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
