i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
