Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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