I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
