Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
