Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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