i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize