i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
