as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
