There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
