i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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