You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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