if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
