You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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