So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
