I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
