at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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