He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
