I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
