I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
