you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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