vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
