At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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