Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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