my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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