Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
