i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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