Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you. Go after that dick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
