My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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