Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
