The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
