Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
