I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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